Think too much

This morning I woke up in my own private version of hell. People were pruning trees outside my place and putting the bits that they trimmed off through a wood chipper. It was loud.

And, then while my brain was saying too loud, too loud, too loud, I checked my messages and something that I have written and submitted has been accepted – which is awesome – except that they wanted to know if I had thought of a title – which was less awesome. I hadn’t thought of a title, and I couldn’t think of a title because my brain was saying too loud, too loud, too loud. Eventually, I did think of a title (I even managed to think of one that didn’t contain any swearwords which I thought was quite an achievement because I was in hell).

But, waking up in hell made me realise something: I have a number of systems that I use to get through the day-to-day adulting that life requires. I have systems to remind me to do the laundry, and systems that remind me to take the laundry out of the machine before it starts smelling. I have systems that remind me to feed my cats (those systems came in built with the cats so that’s good). I have systems that remind me to – well, basically – do all the adulting.

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed and most of those systems have failed. The paper explosion that is part of every university assignment that I do was still evident all over my lounge (I submitted the assignment a week ago), laundry was exploding out of the washing basket. Everything was just too much!

Don’t get me wrong: My cats have been fed regularly, and all of my son’s needs have been met – but the day-to-day adulting stuff just hasn’t been happening the way it usually does. I have been able to write/type prolifically, and I’ve had some amazing chats with a few people. But, I have really, really wanted to get actual stuff done, and I just haven’t been able to get myself to do them. I think it has to do with inertia? Some other people, probably more eloquent than I am, have written about this:

It is the most frustrating thing because I really want to have a tidy(-ish) home, I really want to keep on top of stuff so that it doesn’t become overwhelming, I really want to keep up-to-date with my studies, I want to adult, but my brain just says no – and I become stuck.

Luckily, waking up in hell somehow managed to unstick myself. I did all the adulting that I needed to do today! So, I’m feeling pretty good about myself – but my systems do need some tweaking because otherwise I’ll end up in the same not-moving-forward place that I was in. So, off to tweak those systems and continue to adult effectively (for today at least).