An apology to my feet

I spend a lot of time barefoot.

There are a couple of reasons why I do this. I have always had a fair amount of hypermobility, although this is decreasing as I age. But, it does mean that my ankles tend to be on the wobbly side, and if I don’t concentrate while I walk, I end up stepping on the side of my feet rather than the bottom which means that I end up meeting the floor fairly often. This doesn’t occur as often when I walk barefoot because I can feel the position of my foot as it touches the ground more easily than when I’m wearing shoes. Shoes, to me, are a bit like tiny prisons for my toes. I like to wiggle my toes as I go through my day. It helps keep me calm and focused. In shoes, there is less wiggle room. So, I spend a lot of time barefoot.

Unfortunately, this means that I have put my feet through all kinds of trouble. I’ve stepped on things like glass, sometimes without realising it, and then needed to get those things cut out because the skin has healed over them. I’ve closed a gate on one of my feet, which took ages to heal. I stepped on a toothpick once which led to emergency room hilarity. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve broken my toes from walking into things.

Recently, I discovered a thing on my left foot. It was a little painful, and it looked like once again I had stepped on something without realising it, and once again, the skin had healed over it. Now, I realise that the logical thing to do would be to go see a doctor, but I thought I would wait it out. Maybe it would just go away? So, I left it for three or four weeks two weeks (that sounds more responsible, right?) before finally deciding that I really did need to go see a doctor. I went. He agreed that it looked like there was something stuck inside. He dug around in it for a bit, but didn’t find the thing. He sent me on my way with a prescription for antibiotics, and told me to return in a week’s time. It is now two days after the visit, and the previously annoyingly painful thing on my foot has become an unbearably painful thing on my foot. And, we’re back to step 1: I need to go back to the doctor, but maybe it will just go away? I know it won’t, but I also know that it’s going to take me a few days to collect all my little threads of things-going-on in order to return to the doctor and be able to coherently explain what my foot feels like.

Even though only one of my feet is suffering now, I think I need to say this to both my feet: Feet, I’m sorry for the trouble and pain that I’ve caused you. You’re both important to me. I promise that I will start wearing shoes every time I go outside so that we can live a long and happy life together.