My dilemma

I love writing and typing my thoughts onto a screen.

There is so much I want to write about, and so many thoughts I want to share. But when I do, I get so anxious and I want to hide…

It’s my dilemma.

I get anxious that people won’t want to read my words. Sometimes, I worry that my words aren’t meaningful enough. I also get anxious that people will read them and respond to them.

For a lot of my life, I have been told that my opinion and thoughts are worthless. I still hear that in various spaces, and in various ways. A lot of my anxiety relates to overcoming the belief that my thoughts don’t matter. But some of that anxiety also relates to me realising that, maybe, my opinions and thoughts might matter to some people.

That doesn’t really solve my dilemma though.

I still feel anxious when I hit publish, when I share a post, and when I see other people sharing my posts. Please don’t misunderstand me: I don’t want anyone to stop reading, commenting, or sharing. I just feel that I need to share my feelings around that because I know that there are many autistic people out there who would like to start sharing their thoughts but they’re unsure whether to do so or not.

So, to the autistic people who read my posts and are trying to decide whether or not to start writing, I would like to say: do it.

It is anxiety-making, but it’s liberating at the same time. People reading, relating to, and responding to my writing is a brilliant thing – even with the exposure anxiety that it brings.

Together, we can share our stories, amplify our voices, and be heard by larger society. People out there are starting to listen. The people who are listening may not be in the majority yet, but they’re listening (thank you to you too).

We need all sorts of voices in our rights movement. We need yours too, but if you aren’t ready yet: Stick around and be awesome.